"Ireland is where strange tales begin and happy endings are possible." - C. Haughey

Jul 4

Jul 4 "Ireland is where strange tales begin and happy endings are possible." - C. Haughey

this qoute by Charles Haughey, Irish Taoiseach aka prime minister in the 80’s and 90’s, pretty much sums things up. it has been an amazing six months to say the least -- and here now in the space between the goodbyes from friendships forged in eire and the anticipation of hugs and hellos to loved ones at home -- i sit -- with adventures and lessons still to document before they disappear (not trusting these etchings of ireland to remain clear with the prospect of things at home that will swell over it all with new lists of things to do and a bit of desperation to get them done.) translated - this blog isn’t over yet. when i’m done i hope you will feel like you’ve been there yourself and/or have some guideposts to to your own amazing adventures (especially if you already live in eire).

these details aside -- it is the summary of all those "expotitions" that has resulted in my current transformation. i am a different person on return from the one who started out … which, i realize, is the point of a hero's journey, though typically with some great lesson or message to bring back. i'm not able to put my finger on the exact sound byte to sum it all up in a tidy fashion. maybe that is part of the point -- leaping is scary - loving is messy - and learning doesn't always occur in a neat linear lesson plan. internal landscapes are often fraught with so much white noise one can't hear one's heart of hearts anymore. or the color has faded so much from one's view of the world and/or sense of self that one doesn't realize one's life has become an old reel of old news looping on film of black and white.

in all its grey skies and constant drizzle, ireland might seem an unlikely place to learn how to live in technicolor again. really though it has been a version of the wizard of oz -- at least the emerald - ness of it all. it is the land of the wee folk (imaginary and actual footage of most personages.) and it is true that they work work here and play play there with more than a couple of trah lah lahs — and so have we. r, of course has done most of the heavy lifting. this job has been consuming him for over two years now -- these past six months "on location" to borrow a term from the film biz -- has been testament to his dedication to see things through from beginning to end. it was more than fitting that this finicky machine worked spectacularly on his last day -- in walking away he was able to leave all the worry behind him. THAT is a rare gift with which he now struggles (to which i say hurray for him to have these new issues:) also a double rainbow on his exit from town put a magical exclamation point on it all for him!

my work here has been of a different sort -- a chance to retune my own being -- and remember who i was before the beloved titles of wife and mother became my definition of self. it has been reaffirming to be in a land where poets, mystics, artists, actors, singers and dancers are revered. i tend to take these talents for granted as it all comes so naturally to me. because I have been fortunate in life to be surrounded by people more talented than myself, i am very aware of the short comings of being "a jack of all trades." HOWEVER, without getting too big for my britches, i am beginning to see that my efforts are "good enough" to keep plugging along instead of shying away from the attempt of whatever expressive form is calling me at the moment.

the other "work" i've been doing for most of my life is the care and keeping of others -- which is its own reward. and yet -- this past decade and a half has been intense. holding the space safe and channeling love and light was exhausting. helping my nearest and dearest mend from turmoil left me fearful and distrustful of the world. slipping into caracatures of my mom and his dad -- two people that only ever pretended to get along, made for a lonesome partnership, if you'll pardon the oxymoron of it all. and like so many of us in this mid marker of life -- a few too many "celebrations of life" -- dimmed my own. arriving in ireland, i had recouped enough from the rabbit hole to keep depression at arms length, coming to a truce long enough to allow me to exist in the world -- enjoying moments here and there while out and about before returning to the neutral state of glumness when alone.

i am thrilled to say this is not my emotional temperature anymore. the constant rain and whipping wind of eire has been a balm to all that. those celtic gods of wind take no prisoners -- walking the shoreline of inniscrone has been a life saver. letting go has never been my strong suit -- having unnecessary emotional baggage and remnants of disgruntlement torn away is actually quite healing. i am no longer lonely when alone with myself and have reclaimed that creative play in my brain that sustained me as mostly an only child, (my sister is 14 years my elder). imagination is a much more welcome companion — reconnecting with this ole friend at a time in life when i can make and take time to indulge my wild ideas is more than exciting - so stay tuned for progress on all that.

as for r and i? being alone together on a foreign shore has also helped to return us to our more natural selves. road tripping has always been our forte. navigating the world takes two -- especially when driving on the wrong side of the road where people park along the side in both directions -- it is never safe to assume you are still on a two way street. taking time to pause and get a better sense of where you are while communicating about how you are getting there is quite the metaphor. frequently checking to see "is the arrow happy?" helps keep us moving forward in a friendly direction. in a country of endless roundabouts, you learn to "turn a wee bit to go left", "to go around to go straight" and "to make it almost around the world to go right." it takes maneuvering, yielding and boldness to take the road when it's your turn. a side car driver looking out for obstacles coming from the blind side makes for a steady partnership. taking turns in those roles is what makes it real again.

which brings us to the NOW. we are both at that exciting space of "WHAT's NEXT?" -- for each of us and both of us. from eire, we are taking away more than memories of a beautiful country -- we are taking new ways of being in the world -- and with each other. the trick will be to not fall into old habits -- too much TV, too much take away food, too much complacency. the curiosity and playfulness that is the nature of eire natives and their fondness for coming together for a pint and a chat are superpowers meant to heal a broken world. a sing along and a jig or two are also a quick way to cut through these artifices that have been erected recently in our homeland. ireland is a country that has long suffered and survived from the divide and conquer mentality of its enemies -- in so doing i think their ways of being in the world and overcoming the odds are at the heart of the magic one feels when coming to their shores. the secret is that anyone can adopt that attitude anywhere and at any time. for our part? we are bringing it home.